and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
