Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
