i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
