fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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