I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
