YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
