I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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