Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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