Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
