clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
