i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fuck appropriateness.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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