That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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