My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
