stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
