This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
