I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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