Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
