my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
