it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
