dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the day after is always just damage control
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
