She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
