Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
