I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
