I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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