Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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