Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
