My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
