Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
