Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I deserve this hangover.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
