we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
