Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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