Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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