she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
