She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize