How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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