Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
