you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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