His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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