He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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