Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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