no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
