the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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