I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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