Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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