I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
