just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
