The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
