yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
