I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found the puke drawer
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
