i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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