just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
